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  SPOOF YOU!
Stan Helsing
Bo Zenga, 2009
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Go ahead. Open up your gift. If you're expecting anything other than a question, we're asking Santa to bring you a compass next year because you obviously forgot where the hell you are. All Mia (Desi Lydic) wanted for Christmas was a pair of Strip-A-Lot 3000s. A rockin' stiletto, no doubt, but when it comes to slutty footwear you can't beat what was on the Brides of Dracula's feet.
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BOOKS
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Unless you're a zombie or some carnivorous monstrosity that feeds on Hypothalamus glands. If you know anything about evolutionary biology, you know why Dr. Green's (Penelope Ann Miller) initial idea to kill the creature in The Relic would have worked. Of course, we're assuming you don't.
Put your knowledge of all-things that creep, slither and crawl to the test with the only movie monster survival guide/quiz book of its kind.

What will you do when they come for you?
Live and learn. Learn and live!
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Lights, Camera, Trivia
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All questions and quizzes written by Philip Cerreta unless otherwise noted
Monty Python & The Holy Grail
(11) Patsy was almost crushed to death during the siege - twice - first by the cow that landed on top of him and then by the catapult itself. (12) That line never appeared in the film so the correct answer is no. (13) He and his minstrels simply walked away while the heads were arguing with one other. (14) Cutting down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring. (15)  "Peng" and "Nee-wom"

(16) The Knights changed their name to the Knights Who Say "Ecky Ecky Ecky Pakang Zoom-Ping" Only two of those words fall under the guideline we specified - Zoom" and "Ping." (17) Yes, he did. (18) It was to prove a point. People told Prince Herbert's father it couldn't be done. (19) Sir Lancelot wondered if the person who was lobotomized by his sword was "all right." (20) The old man was cast into the gorge when he failed to answer Arthur's follow-up question - Was it an African or a European swallow?


Stan Helsing
A heel with a slot for tips
Same chapter, different scenario: You're watching the battle from a nearby hilltop. Don't ask us why you're there. You just are - having a good laugh at Arthur's expense, along with two of your friends. The mocking continues until a voice exclaims, "Sweet Jesus!
Terry Gilliam/Terry Jones, 1975
How the fuck did he walk away from that?" What would have prompted those words?

12. We don't know what the French would have done if the knights catapulted themselves over the rampart, but it was an idea worth trying, wasn't it? Is that what Sir Robin was referring to when he remarked, "Forgive me, my lord, for even suggesting it"?

13. If two heads are better than one what are three on the same body? Think of some of the problems that would create and then narrow it down to the one that enabled Sir Robin to escape from the Three-headed Knight.

14. It didn't matter what Gandalf said or did in The Fellowship of the Ring, the Balrog wasn't letting him pass through the caverns of Khazad-dum without a fight. Anyone who passed through the forest that belonged to
The Knights Who Say "Ni." was expected to pay some sort of toll. Two demands were made of Arthur. The first seemed reasonable enough - a nice shrub that wasn't too expensive. What did the second task involve?

15. The Knights Who Say "Ni" were the keepers of three sacred words. Were the other two "Nay" and "Peng" "Peng" and "Nee-wom" or "Worn-nee" and "Pakang"?

16. What we want you to shorten the Knights Who Say "NI's" other name, by removing the words that can't be found in a dictionary.

17. Don't you hate it when you have to explain the same thing over and over again to the same person? Did Prince Herbert's father become increasingly annoyed at the guard who was asked to keep an eye on his son?

18. Why would someone
build a castle in a swamp? An ogre might, but not a king unless…

19. They say there's no such thing as a stupid question, but we beg to differ. An example could be found in the chapter entitled The Rescue of Prince Herbert. It was addressed to his father. That's all we'll say on this one.

20. The old man who was cast into the gorge beneath the Bridge of Death must have had a successor. If and when you ever meet that fellow, ask him how Arthur got across without answering the question about the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow. It worked for us.