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  LIVE, LEARN, SURVIVE
HUNGRY HUNGRY VAMPIRES
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Can a vampire starve to death? It hasn't happened yet and it probably never will if the creatures truly are immortal. One that was deprived of blood for an extended period of time would just wither away until it could no longer function and remain in a comatose-like state until it was fed. So the answer to that question, kids, is no, they cannot, but many have died because of their hunger. Do as we say, not as they often do.
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creature in the last thirty days? Was it after the sun had set and under a full moon? If you answered yes to both of those questions, there's a very good chance that you were bitten by a werewolf and will  turn into one of the savage, bloodthirsty beasts yourself.

The Werewolf's Guide to Life cuts through the fiction and guides you through your first transformation and beyond, offering indispensable advice on how to tell if you're really a werewolf, post-attack etiquette, breaking the news to your spouse, avoiding government abduction and how not to just survive but thrive. Your (new) life depends on it.
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Lights, Camera, Trivia
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Say hello to a brand-new you, but beware and be aware because statistics show that more werewolves die during the first stage of their transformation than any other. Ask any beast who made it though those first thirty days and they'll probably answer with one word,
which is also what we may call yours if you get this one right.

2. Cheer up, man, and brush your teeth. That poor bastard's life might be over, but yours isn't. It's okay to forgive yourself for all of the very bad things you've either done or will have to do to live and howl another day, but never forget who and what you are because if you do, that's when you'll truly become a monster. Our understanding and sympathy for the beasts is largely due to what fact?

3. That's not the wind howling. It's a werewolf cursing at the moon. The sooner one starts to plan accordingly each month, the easier their transition will be. Right, ladies? The question is why or how that change is related to the phases of the moon?

4. Another full moon cometh and you're about to go-eth. If you can't fight the urge, make sure you take care of that business elsewhere. What we're trying to say here is never do what? Not unless you're looking to get caught.

5. Should a werewolf have the same basic rights as you or I? Definitely not. Don't bite our head off. It's just what we believe. No one who takes a life should, not
The Werewolf's Guide to Life Quiz
(1) Luck (2) Werewolves are cursed creatures and all, the vast majority at the very least, are victims. (3) A hormone called Lycantropin is released throughout the body each month in measured doses, peaking approximately every twenty-nine days. With that, also comes a spike in the level of iron in a person's blood which changes the magnetic polarity. Get it? Got it? Good. (4) Shit where you eat. One pile of crap near one of your victims could lead to another.  (5) Human. Our sympathies (and a moment of silence) do go out to the cattle and chicken communities.

(6) Always fresh, never dead. Vampire flesh reeks and tastes like rotting meat. (7) Vampires are capable of snapping a person's neck with little effort. (8) Only silver bullets, as far as we know, if you're in the business of ridding the countryside of other werewolves. (9) Try to relieve yourself right before you leave the house, limit your fluid intake while you're out and wear some type of restrictive undergarments or pants. Nobody wants to pee down their own leg. You could also try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you feel yourself drifting into a wolf-like trance. (10) Whichever laser hair removal technician they start seeing. If they could find one who worked nights and wasn't afraid of big, bad, hairy wolves. The only other option is moving south, far south, but no one really wants polar bears and penguins for neighbors, even if the little guys make for a tasty midnight snack.

Hungry, Hungry Vampires
Never hunt on a completely empty stomach. That leads to all kinds of bad decisions.
Blood deprivation strips a vampire of their power and their senses.
Ritch Duncan/Bob Powers, 2009
RITCH DUNCAN / BOB POWERS
Broadway Books     www.crownpubliishing.com
man or beast. We probably should add the word AHMNU to that last sentence so we don't come off sounding like a hypocrite. Unscramble that one.

6. Don't fear the vampire. As much as they hate you (and you hate them), most will try to avoid an encounter with a lycan for fear of being torn limb from limb. A werewolf would also walk the other way, no matter how hungry it was. Why?

7. That, of course, only applies when a werewolf is in his or her dormant state. Otherwise, it's move it or lose it. How if vampires detest the taste of lycan blood?

8. The thought of locking eyes with a famished werewolf doesn't frighten you more than an IRS audit, does it? That would be the biggest threat to a werewolf who didn't pay his or her taxes. What could one list as a legitimate deduction?
9. Watch your "Wolf-Outs" kids, or others will. Howling, circling, sniffing and marking one's territory does happen in a lycan's dormant state. Be aware of it, especially the peeing. That's just gross. The best way to control that would be ...

10. Baby, it's getting hot outside. There's a million-
and-one reasons why folks who sprout fangs and fur during certain days of the lunar cycle hate what they've become and global warming is one of them. Who should start worrying the most if they did what we'd consider doing to cope with that?
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All questions and quizzes written by Philip Cerreta unless otherwise noted